Sunday, October 29, 2006

Pumpkins, i present Tuesday.































The only person you see holding the baby is me because Christine vetoes all attempts to put up anything with her in it.































Closest i could get to an actual happy baby picture.


















I should have posted yesterday, and i knew it then, too. Yesterday was great. You guessed it, we went to the pumpkin patch yesterday and we all had a great time. Tuesday loved going outside. The sun got in her eyes a bunch of times and she didn't even mind, that's how much she enjoyed the experience of going to see all the pumpkins.

Today has not been great. Last night was a more or less sleepless night for the baby, she just couldn't seem to settle down and get comfortable for any length of time. She's been looking rather pale and a bit puffier than lately. Her breathing has seemed more labored and she's been sweating a lot, which is something babies do when they are in a lot of discomfort in case you don't know. I didn't used to know that.

It's somewhat terrifying, in addition to being very sad. I manage, without intending or wanting to do so, to convince myself that she's okay. I know, in my brain, that she is not okay. I know that she has a terminal condition and that, even without that, she would not be okay. But do i believe it? I don't know. I don't even know where i'm going with this post, so i'm going to stop posting this.

Sorry for the lackluster and lack-happy update, i just don't have anything cheery to say.